On the move

So I am curently in the passenger seat of my rendezvous.. Outside of vicksburg. My mom driving. On our way to my grandma's house... Yay.. I think it is going to do my mom some good to get away from east texas... And I spoke with my dad.. I am going to see if he will just get another phone and give that his to me.. And then swap the insurance into my moms name.. So then I would be able to break off ties with him.. Its not that I want to...but it would just be a cleaner break. Him to go to OK with him family. And my mom move to AL with nana. And me move to UNT for college... Wow.. My family has really split up.. Its so crazy.. But I guess it is all apart of growing up... I

I am tired... Didn't get much sleep today.. And having to make this trip tonight.. But I am off until monday... So I can rest tomorrow... Show my mom around tuscaloosa a little bit... And btw tomorrow night I am eating my a hardies burger!!! Hehe * yay me erika*

As things move up...

so.. i called UNT denton about the conditionally thing.. and the guy told me not to worry about it.. that i am accepted just they havent gotten all my transcript and transfer credits and such into my account yet.. so everything is all gravy... i spoke with erika a lil bit this morning.. its crazy how much i actually miss you.. i didnt think it would be this bad.. and too think.. it honestly has not even been a week yet...
so here i am sitting in the stupid gas station.. once again.. blogging.. probably fixing to go ask for a pee break... lol... my mom moved back in with pat... she had a slight chance of relapsing... which is bad.. but she is getting better.. so once less thing to worry about.. i am hoping she moves to alabama with my grandma and gets a job there.. i think it would really do her some good.. i know it would be hard.. but people do hard things all the time.. its life... the money situation is not looking any better... cept i am one more month down from getting my rendezvous paid off.. next june. next june. i can not wait.

next june.. i hope to have completed my freshman year of college.. maybe starting on summer coarses..having my car paid off.. saving money.. and paying back the loans that i am more than likely going to have to take out in order to pay for my housing.. but you know what.. i am going.. i have to.. nothing can stop me.. please nothing stop me.

lying here in this bed....

so.. it hasnt even been a week since erika left and i am already so blah.. i wish the world would stop. i hate my job. it sucks completely. you know.. what used to send me into a blah phase would be me going for a long period of time without doing anything. and once i got to where i was busy then everything would be fine. i would come out of my blah phase and everything would be happy. that thing to keep my busy used to be work.. but now it doesnt even do it for me anymore. i hate going to work. i hate being at work. i hate leaving work because i know that it just means i am going to have to return to it the next day.
i miss erika. i try to talk to her. but she *wont/cant* answer. because she is either busy with her new friends. or busy with classes *which started today* ... i used to be able to call her and she would answer.. i could walk into the next room and she say hey. and tell her about my day.. but now i dont have that.. i miss it.. ugh.. i hate this.. i hate being sad. i hate wanting to cry.. please help me fix it.. i do not know what to do.. it seems like every post now is about something sad.. but i dont want my life to be just sadness.. ugh.. ugh.. ugh ;_;... this sucks..

on a plus note. i did get officially accepted into UNT.. or so i thought.. but it says *conditionally accepted* not sure what that means.. which sucks face... so yeah... i hope it isnt to bad.. please dont be bad...

I feel like crying.

I feel like crying. I don't understand it. I am so sad though. I do not like what my life has become. It revolves around work and money. Like everyone elses. But blah. This sucks.. I am bored. With nothing to do.
I felt like crap so I went and did some exercising and took a shower hoping that it would cheer me up. But it hasn't. I guess the blah phases are going to become just a part of my life...
I finally got everything taken care of with commerce and UNT transcript crap. And the UNT person told me they would take it off so they could process my application and I should know an answer pretty soon.. But it has been since yesterday morning.. And still no answer.. Blah... I hope to find out tomorrow.. Maybe that will cheer me up.. I hope so...
I amso broke.. I have like $5.00 in my name... And by parents have already asked me three times this week to borrow money.. But I keep telling them no. And my mom keeps getting mad at me.. But owell... I need that money for college..
I need something to do.. Someone to talk to.. Someone to hang out with.
Please blah phase.. Go away soon.

do you ever wonder?

do you ever wonder what you life would be like if something had turned out differently... i do...

everyonce in a while i get into this really blah phase... and sad mood.. i cant help it.. i just get through it ya know?

I graduated form Hughes springs high school.. with little regrets.. maybe done a couple things here or there... but nothing major... but i didnt graduate who i always pictured me being.. who i always wanted to be... i had great friends but sometimes i just wonder...

when i was little my family moved around alot... and one of those times i moved.. i moved to pittsburg... now there were a lot of complications living there.. due to my step dad and and his ex living in the same city.. but it was working.. or so i thought..

but i attending pitsburg school longer than i had any school then.. from fourth till the end of fifth grade...
and i loved it.. i was popular... and had loads of friends... i just fit in there.. i know that is was so long ago and we were so young.. but still...i played sports and was good at them.. i was in the 6th grade band... with all my friends... it just seemed like everyone got along... and when my parents made me move... i just never got that experience again... i didnt do athletics at hughes springs.. i was just young and scared at the new school.. wanting to get settled in... but i had become so accustomed to pittsburg school that i didnt know how to make any new friends.. and it was honestly until the beginning of the second semester that i met lindsey weems and things started getting better.. but still i was just always just awkward... never had more than three friends at a time... in pittsburg i could be smart and nerd out with all my friends.. but in hughes springs.. there just wasnt any people like that.. that got me.. its sad.. but looking back on it.. its true..

and now that i have gradated.. i have one good close friend.. erika white... and i love her to death... but sometimes... i wonder what it would have been like if i had stayed in pittsburg school...

i looked at some of my old pittsburg friends profiles online.. and see that my same group of friends that i hung out with.. are still together... and they look so happy and exciting... and i just know that if i would have stayed there.. i would be in those pictures with them.. all happy... not socially awkward...

but alas.. you cant change the past... but

do you ever wonder?