will my blah mood end?/?

i can't seem to shake my blah mood. but maybe that is because i have yet to find the cause of it... money? work? parents? all three.. that would be my guess... today my day started off just fine.. then scanning verification just put my in a bad mood. and it only went downhill from there..i started feeling sick. and i got a headache.. i couldnt reach any of my friends.. i feel like i am drowning... in over my head... submersed into the world too quickly... but thats not right... i should be able to handle this.. so why can i not?? it makes me sad.... very sad... ...

on a plus note.. my parents are looking into this new house.. in town.. which is great because this dirt road that we live on is killing my rendezvous.. but i am going to have to come up with the deposit for them.. plus pay my other bills... i am going to the bank tomorrow to try to get another loan.. wish me luck.. i need it.. maybe i can get 6 or 7 hundred.. that would help out tremendously...

So jw spoke to me today. I really want to say the truth.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

gah what is wrong with the world?

so omg. what is wrong with the world right now. everything seems off. and like i went today without texting anyone first just to see if anyone would text me first and be all like *hey whats up* like i do with them. and guess what. no suprise. NO ONE text me. NO ONE. so what does that mean? i am not sure how to take it. to my friends really not like me? or am i just the conversation starter? idk. it kinda worries me. erika has been in this blah mood lately. and i dont know how to help her. i feel so sad. and like another thing is JW. i wanna tel him i like him. so why cant i? cuz he is straight? but he flirts with me. everyone i ask about it tells me to just go for it. but i am so scared. if i do it, i will let you know what happens.
another sad face. i just finished drinking my last mountain dew! gah is there no end to this sadness? haha.
so umm i guess so i will remember. and no one reads this blog anyway. i will explain what i mean about JW. he is the original talk dark and handsome. so i wonder why he doesnt has a girlfriend. he is supposely straight but he seems to just go outta his way to say hi to me at work. he doesnt give me the i secretly like you look though which makes me wanna throw the thought outta my mind. like he will flirt it seems. i will wear a pencil in behind my ear and we will always still it from me or flick it out and then smile at me? but is that flirting? i dont know. i was never really good at this. he will like lightly trip me when i walk by then smile about it? is that flirting? but also we will volunteer to do stuff for me. like open the door for me or go put back any *putbacks* but i mean. i can make anyone go put something back for me. just is he just treating me with a higher respect becuase i am a rank ahead of him? gah i just dont know. i really wish i did. i feel so lonely sometimes. specially with the coming months. i need to find new friends...
i wanna move outta my parents house so bad. but i just cant afford it. and i wanna go to college so bad. but without my parents taxes and crap i can not get any fn fafsa help. which sucks face! becuase i cant afford college on my own... so am i at in my life that i want to be. NO. am i making it. YES. but i dont want to be *just making it* :(