gah what is wrong with the world?

so omg. what is wrong with the world right now. everything seems off. and like i went today without texting anyone first just to see if anyone would text me first and be all like *hey whats up* like i do with them. and guess what. no suprise. NO ONE text me. NO ONE. so what does that mean? i am not sure how to take it. to my friends really not like me? or am i just the conversation starter? idk. it kinda worries me. erika has been in this blah mood lately. and i dont know how to help her. i feel so sad. and like another thing is JW. i wanna tel him i like him. so why cant i? cuz he is straight? but he flirts with me. everyone i ask about it tells me to just go for it. but i am so scared. if i do it, i will let you know what happens.
another sad face. i just finished drinking my last mountain dew! gah is there no end to this sadness? haha.
so umm i guess so i will remember. and no one reads this blog anyway. i will explain what i mean about JW. he is the original talk dark and handsome. so i wonder why he doesnt has a girlfriend. he is supposely straight but he seems to just go outta his way to say hi to me at work. he doesnt give me the i secretly like you look though which makes me wanna throw the thought outta my mind. like he will flirt it seems. i will wear a pencil in behind my ear and we will always still it from me or flick it out and then smile at me? but is that flirting? i dont know. i was never really good at this. he will like lightly trip me when i walk by then smile about it? is that flirting? but also we will volunteer to do stuff for me. like open the door for me or go put back any *putbacks* but i mean. i can make anyone go put something back for me. just is he just treating me with a higher respect becuase i am a rank ahead of him? gah i just dont know. i really wish i did. i feel so lonely sometimes. specially with the coming months. i need to find new friends...
i wanna move outta my parents house so bad. but i just cant afford it. and i wanna go to college so bad. but without my parents taxes and crap i can not get any fn fafsa help. which sucks face! becuase i cant afford college on my own... so am i at in my life that i want to be. NO. am i making it. YES. but i dont want to be *just making it* :(